can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
