its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
