I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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