What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
