so that wasnt chicken after all
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
