After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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