I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
These tits shall not be calmed
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
