Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
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guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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