on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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