tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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