I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im six kinds of drunk right now
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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