I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
