Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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