I wish I only lived at night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
