He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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