the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
