im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sorry about my life...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
