Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
