I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
