i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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