It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
