Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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