The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize