Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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