So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
