I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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