Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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