dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
