He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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