we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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