I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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