Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
