Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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