Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
