I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
