our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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