Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
