I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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That accounts for only three of the penises
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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