Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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