hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
