My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
