i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Help. Why am I so naked?
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