I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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