Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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