I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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