you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
