I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
