I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
