i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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