Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
