What a fucking waste of an outfit
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
