yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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