i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
