Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
