This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
my liver is dry heaving
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Text me some of your sweat
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
