I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
