somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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